Bittersweetness

Tonight marks my last "official" night of summer 2013! I can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth!  It seems like just yesterday my fifth graders were graduating and I was making my summer-to-do list that never gets done! 

I know I've said it many times, but I love my job!  I love that I love it more each year and I love that it comes with an awesome schedule!  I'm totally always ready for summer break, but I'm also totally always ready to start again in August.  Give me about three or four weeks and I'll start the whole.... why on Earth did I say I was ready to start back whining bit. 

Summers are awesome!  I get to sleep in; do whatever I want which usually is swim, meet up with friends, or not a single thing; play with my kiddos all day; keep a clean house; stay up late; read books; and just about everything else I can't do throughout the school  year.  We never keep a schedule and basically live from moment to moment.  I'm not sure what is better than that! This year was great in the aspect that my kiddos were old enough to play together and be more independent.  This year was also not so great in the aspect that my kiddos argued non-stop!  Their love-hate relationship has about worn me out which is one of the reasons why I am excited for school to start back.  They need a little time apart! :) 

I'm not sure if enjoying work makes me a "bad" mom or not, but I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home mom... or at least not for an extended period of time.  I have had about 8 weeks of it and that is more than enough for me.  I most definitely take advantage of all of my summer days with the kids (haven't spent a day away from them... well, maybe one for a wedding shower), but I also enjoy my routine and purpose at school.  If only public school teachers could go in at 8, leave at 3, work 4 days a week, and still get our vacations... now that would be the PERFECT schedule.  The one thing I don't like about working is the monotony of the  everyday stuff.  It can really wear you down after a while trying to balance home and school.  I am hoping to do this a little better this year.  I am praying for energy in order to get in some consistent exercise throughout the week, patience to be able to enjoy my own kids when I get home from school, optimism to remember how blessed I am that I "get" to pack bags each night, willpower to wake up each morning for devotion, and strength to be the best me I can be in all of my many roles. 

So, as I am watching the clock and realizing that my ALARM will wake me up in less than 8 hours, I am finding myself in a state of "bittersweetness"...  I love summer with MY
 kids, and love school with my "other" kids! 

 

Living like a river

This morning, I was able to have a nice conversation with a friend of mine about life.  And, for all of you teachers out there, the "main idea" of our conversation was more or less about not being afraid to be your own person.  In today's society and probably more prevalent in women's lives (maybe I say that because I am a woman and only know a woman's perspective), it can be a struggle to be you.  For some reason, women tend to compare themselves to others and some go as far as trying to "fit in" and end up loosing themselves. This makes me very sad because who's to say that person is better... I mean weren't we all created equal after all? 

As a mother of a daughter, the thought of her not having confidence in herself makes me frightened.  The thought of her idolizing someone else or trying to change herself to be more like someone else makes me sick to my stomach.  I try daily to praise her and tell her how great she is, but will that be enough?  I remember when I first got pregnant with her these kind of thoughts crept into my mind so I would pray all the time that God would always steer her in the right direction and that she would be a confident, Godly woman.  I know we all struggle with this from time to time, but to be consumed by it is just heart wrenching.

Well, as I was reading today, I came across a paragraph that compared life to a river and I immediately thought about how well it related to this topic.  The author in my book said that a river is active and cleansing and confident in the direction it is headed.  All three of those things are traits I want Ella to have.  She continues by saying a river doesn't get caught up with the rocks in its path.  It flows over and around them.  How awesome would it be to raise a child that was active with the people all around them no matter who they were or where they came from, pure at heart, and confident enough in their morals and beliefs to know they were perfect just the way they were?  Even more, a river flows over and around the rocks while smoothing their jagged edges and allowing them to add to its beauty rather than take away from it.  I just love this!  To imagine my children intertwined with those around them, learning from them, loving on them, befriending them, and all the while still holding strong to whom God created them to be. 

I hope that I can live like a river in order to show my children how to do the same.  I hope that  instead of moaning and groaning when someone doesn't think the same way I do, I can embrace that diversity and keep confidence in my beliefs.  I hope that instead of getting discouraged when life doesn't go my way, I can learn to be stronger instead of worrying and overreacting.  I  hope that when the world looks tempting, I can remember who I am and why I am here.  I could literally sit here all day listing out the ways I hope to smooth out the rocks in my river of life instead of letting them take away from who I am but I need to get ready for VBS.  So, cheers to living like a river ! :)

Crossroads

For as long as I can remember, I have always longed for the future.  Not one of my best qualities, I will admit.  It was always, do this so this can happen or I can't wait until [insert next big life experience].  I am a planner at heart and like to know what is coming up next, but as I am growing older (quickly approaching the big 3-0) I am finding myself at a crossroads.  One road is telling me to continue self-directing my life by aiming for the goals I've set for myself and the other road is telling me to slow down and let God show me what He has in store.  This summer, more than anything,  God is really showing me how my plans and desires may not be what He has in store for my future. 

One of the most evident things that I feel God is trying to show me is that I need to enjoy each day to its fullest.  After all, what we decide to do each day is pretty important considering we are using an entire day of our limited life on earth to do whatever it is we decide to do.   I feel a growing desire in my heart to be there for those that are hurting and just simply be there despite what my schedule might say.  I always compare myself to others and see these people who appear so selfless and in tune with God and become discouraged.  At the same time, I also see people who appear to have it all together (in terms of worldly things), and I get frustrated again.  How is it possible for me to want to please God by being obedient and have desires for the things the world offers me all at the same time?  This has always been a hard thing for me to balance. Thankfully, God has really shown me lately how worrying about who I'm not and what I can't do, is keeping me preoccupied and not allowing Him to show me what He wants me to do. 

Summer Stress... Say What?!?

Who would have thought that someone with eight weeks off of work with basically nothing to do would be stressed?  I mean, aren't teachers supposed to de-stress during the summer months?  Well, I'm here to tell you that some how, some way... stress always tries to sneak it's way back in to my life no matter what season it is. 

I will be completely honest with you too, I don't always deal with stress in the best way.  Typically, I put it all on my poor husband and then that just stresses him (or irritates the crap out of him).  However, for as long as I know, any time I have been "stressed" or "anxious" about something he has been my stable ground.  He's so easy going and doesn't tend to let things get him down (at least not as often as I do).  More importantly, he's really good at reminding me of what is truly important in life.  Sometimes he drives me crazy with how "down to earth" he is, but I'm thankful for him in times where I feel like I'm drowning in worry. 

Last night was a "stressful" night for me in many ways.  You know what they say, "When it rains, it pours."  So, here I was getting myself all worked up over things that don't make a bit of a difference and Kermie calmly addresses the situation and that's that.  Plus, I ran into this little quote on Facebook that topped it off.  I love how God speaks... even through social media.

 

So, if you're feeling anxious or worried, just remember these wise words from Rick Warren:

 

"The more you pray, the less you'll panic.  The more you worship, the less you worry.  You'll feel more patient and less pressured."

 

  

 

 

 

Mini Vacations and Life Lessons

It's been a while since my last post, but for good reason.  One of my best friends and I decided to take a small vacation with our kiddos over the Fourth of July holiday.  We packed up the van and headed to Myrtle Beach, SC last Wednesday morning.   I think she and I were both a little apprehensive about the drive, but the kiddos did great.  Our 8.5 hour drive turned into about 12 hours after all the dinner, snack, and bathroom stops, but all is well when you don't have a "schedule" to stick to.  I believe we were about 11.45 hours into our drive and 15 minutes away from our hotel when my second pull over and first ticket occurred. As you can see from the picture, the kids were a little worried.  Too bad Ella's crying didn't get me out of a ticket, but it may have been the reason why Mr. Trooper reduced the speed.  My only pull overs.... two weeks in a row!  Unbelievable!

 

On a more positive note, we let the kiddos jump right into the pools as soon as we arrived.  I think they were just a tad excited about this vacation which made our decision of bringing the kids along an even better move!

So, did I mention that my friend, Sejla, travels a lot for work and racks up lots of points for staying at Hilton hotels??  Well, for that very reason, we were able to stay in a super great hotel that offered her (and her guests) yummy breakfast every morning!  I'm not talking about the usual breakfast buffet you get at some hotels, but an actual sit down breakfast where the waitress takes your order.  You could tell my children were not used to this as Ella kept saying, "This is awesome!  This is the best breakfast I've ever had!" the entire first morning at breakfast.  Ella's usual consisted of eggs, pancakes, and sausage.  Grayson preferred eggs, pancakes, biscuits, donuts, potatoes, and chocolate milk.  I went four days in a row with French toast. 

 





A typical day while we were gone consisted of waking up, heading to breakfast (we liked getting there early to avoid lines and balloons), going to the beach, going to the pools, lunch, heading back out to the pool, possibly getting in a nap, getting ready for dinner, eating dinner, heading back home, getting kids to sleep, playing Candy Crush until we were exhausted... It was great minus the occasional temper tantrum, arguing, wish-washy decisions of going to pool/beach, and other kidlike behaviors.  Sejla and I started our own game of who would get to push the buttons on the elevators first and who would be the leader.  We are still kids at heart. 

 

 





Overall, it was a terrific trip!  So, what are the life lessons I mentioned in the title you ask?  Well, there are a few so I will spell them out for you one by one.

1. Take lots of snacks on road trips with small children.
2. Buy a radar detector if you plan on breaking speed limits.
3. Make sure you have generous friends who are willing to use their perks on you (Thank you Sejla for always being generous!)
4. Try not to compare yourself to other people because you never know their story (Us girls do this way too often!).
5. Make dinner reservations early!
6. Choose friends who you can be yourself around in all circumstances (i.e. when your children are driving you bonkers, when you're PMSing, or even when you've been driving for a long time).
7. Get one of those cool voice activation GPS thingys so you can look cool screaming at it as you drive.
8. And, one last one for Ella, be confident and face your fears (She went anxiety-free!)