Forever friends

This past weekend, we met what I'd consider our "forever friends" in Louisville for a mini-vacation.  I say "forever friends" because as you grow, friends have the tendency to come and go, but there are always a select few that stay no matter how far away they are.  These are the friends that you don't have to talk to all the time, but can pick right back up with in just a minute of conversation.

Kermie and Robert have been best friends since pretty much forever.  They lived beside each other growing up and have been friends ever since.  Lynsie and I met through a mutual friend in college and ironically, she and Robert started dating not long after.  It really is such a small world!   As kidless-married couples, we spent a lot of time together, but the time came for them to move closer to Lynsie's family and our Friday nights playing Guesstures and Taboo ended.  

Even though we are quite a distance apart now days, we still try to get together as often as possible... once a year and sometimes twice if we're lucky.   And, for weekends like this past one, I am very thankful!  Here are a few pictures of our time away and here's to hoping for another get together very soon!    

my flesh is weak.

I know the title of this post seems strange, but it is the truth!

My flesh is weak.  As a human being and only as an ordinary human being, I am incapable, ignorant, self-seeking, and down right weak.  Of course, I've always known this, but my ignorance wins out when I try to rely on my flesh in my daily life.  Until about a week or so ago, I was experiencing one of those bumps in life that make you realize just how weak I truly am without God.  I would describe this bump as one that makes you magnify any disturbance into a huge ordeal, one that centers around you, and one that consistently uses the "woe is me" mentality.  I go through these bumps from time to time and can't stand the person I become.  I tend to obsess about unimportant things and lose track of what really matters.  And, they usually happen when I haven't spent enough time refilling my soul with what God prefers I refill with.

I was rereading a book called What Happens When Women Say Yes to God the other day and one of Lysa's chapters really hit home.  Here's a few things she had to say:

"I also sometimes find myself getting caught up in my own weariness and grumbling over the empty places of my life.  These are all the places that chip away at my contentment, that nag me into thinking I'm being cheated out of something somehow."

 "There are things in my life, little and big, that fall short, don't meet my expectations, and cause grumpy feelings inside my heart..... Usually this happens to me when the busyness of life has crowded out my quiet time with Jesus.  When I have not spent enough time allowing the Lord to refuel and refill me, I forget that this is not my real home."  

Oh my, she's right on point with my most recent bump!  I go, go, go, go, go and all the going takes my heart and mind to things that although may seem dire, shouldn't be priority.

"As my soul looks up from life's muck and rights the focus of its attention, I find myself pressing back into the river, where Jesus' peace rushes over me, refreshing, cleansing, and invigorating."  

And, that my friends, is exactly what I have done.  I've met with God, begged for his patience AGAIN, asked for His grace, and refused to let my flesh win my daily battles.  I know He listened and I know He is ready to set me back on course, but only if I sacrifice a little as well.  One thing that I felt I had to give up in order to regain my internal peace was Facebook.  I was wasting time on there becoming frustrated for whatever reason, and losing out on quality time for other more important things.  I really do LOVE social media and I love how it connects people, but at the same time, it lets so many other "bad" things seep in at the same time.  Judgment, idolizing, jealousy, resentment, idleness, and so many other terrible things are what it allows into my home.  These are not good for me, for my family, or for anyone!

For a week now I have been Facebook free and I'll tell you first hand that it is extremely liberating!  I have spent more time with my family and I mean really spent time with them, not with my phone sitting near by.  I have been able to get things done around the house that I complained about not having time for.  I have spent time in reflection and in devotion.  Not only did it free up time, but it set me free from knowing everything about everyone!  Maybe that sounds horrible, but goodness it feels great!

So, today I'm celebrating the STRENGTH that comes when I prioritize my life correctly.  I'm celebrating the STRENGTH that comes when I get my daily does of Jesus, give and recieve love from my family, and find satisfaction with where I am in life and God's purpose for me in it.

On a side note, one thing that I am completely satisfied with is my sweet Grayson!  He's a mess most days, whines like no other, likes to pick on his sister, but check out this hunk in his preschool picture and his name written all by himself!

Updates, Narratives, and New Goggles

It's pushing October which means it has almost been ten months since the accident.  At this point, the scars from my last surgery have healed; my vision is the same (my left eye an astonishing 20/20, but with super powers in my opinion and my right eye black as can be); my face still itches like crazy from the nerve regrowth and I frequently get reminded that I rub my face non-stop; my upper lid stays irritated from the weight, but I'm thankful that it is helping to protect a portion of the eye; my eye itself stays dry unless I've applied ointment or drops, but I am again grateful that there is relief; and for the majority of the time I'm awake, my mind stays optimistic and on positive thoughts.

This time of year seems notorious for Personal Narrative writing within the school system.  In fact, Ella just finished her personal narrative which I can't wait to read and I am in the process of completing my own.  Ironically, we both chose the same topic, the accident.  It's been fun and a little scary beginning this piece with my students because they are a new group and have a ton of questions.  At the same time, it's awesome to see myself react and process the emotions that come and go as discussions happen.  The kids are SO into it, and I'm excited that they are so engaged.  I can't wait to have a finished piece and I'm hoping as they see me go through this process, they are encouraged to write as well. 

While doing his typical, nightly google searching, Kermie came across a pair of goggles made especially for chronic dry eyes.  The goggles themselves have mixed reviews, but when he asked whether or not I wanted to try them I replied with a quick yes!  My thought is that you never know until you try! The goggles come with a sleep therapy that includes pieces of foam that can be soaked in water and worn at night while sleeping.  They also have separate beads that can be cooled for cold therapy or warmed for hot therapy.  I have never done the hot therapy, but the cold therapy is amazing.  Before the goggles, I would sit with an ice pack on my ice, so this is even better not having to hold something to my face for twenty minutes.  The goggles haven't cured my dry eye, but I definitely think they have provided relief.  So, to any one out there who suffers from this condition, the goggles are worth a try!  Check out the link below for pricing and ordering details. 

TranquilEyes

 

I have too many flaws to be perfect, but I have also have too many blessings to be ungrateful!

Shew, what a week!  We had four full days of school (five for Ella!), Grayson started preschool, Kermie and I met a new surgeon, Ella started piano, Kermie worked hard/late almost every night and actually became the contact for a new job, I had what I hope to be my last surgery, and a few other odds and ends here and there (I think my anniversary may be tomorrow!).

So, in regards to school, this year is off to a wonderful start for Ella and me both.  She loves her teacher, Mrs. Smedley, and I love my new group of fifth graders.  I actually had one of my kiddos come up to me out of nowhere, in the middle of class, and say, "Mrs. Donovan, can I give you a hug?  I'm so glad you're my teacher."  Of course the answer was yes and my heart was happy.  They all seem so very sweet and eager to please... I'm hoping it stays that way!

The first half of the week was a little stressful, but for no reason.  I'm certain that Kermie and I both worked ourselves up about Grayson going to preschool for no reason at all.  On Monday, he went to his orientation and I believe meeting his teacher and seeing where he would be during the day made the biggest difference for sure.  On Wednesday morning, he woke up fairly easy, got his clothes on, and seemed pumped about his day!  The whole family (Ella, Kermie, and I) dropped him off.  Since Kermie and I have to be at work at the break of dawn, drop off for us is around 6:45 or 7:00 and is not in his actual preschool room.  I thought this might be hard on him, but no, not at all.  He walked right in and barely stopped for a picture.  He remained on my mind ALL day long, and as soon as the dismissal bell rang, we were on our way to PCA to see our "big boy."  His after-school teacher (He stays all day on Monday and Wednesday because transportation mid-day is hard for us to come by!) said he did wonderful all day!  It actually took a bit to get him to leave because he was showing Ella everything in the room.  What a relief!  I was so proud and can't wait to see how this next week goes.

I think I already mentioned in previous posts that we were going to check out another eye surgeon to get a second opinion about possible little touches to my bottom eyelid.  I still don't have an actual eye rim or lashes on two-thirds of the bottom lid, and after initially being told those things would happen, I was kind of let down when my previous surgeon stopped.  Don't get me wrong because I totally think he did a fabulous job and would recommend him to anyone, but neither Kermie or I wanted to stop without knowing for sure we had done everything possible to get me back to "me."  Dr. Cowen, the new guy, was awesome to say the least.  Very personable, professional, and thorough.  He was also impressed at my progress, but said that everything that had be done up to this point was working.  He quoted the phrase, "If it's not broke, don't fix it!"  The things I want (rim/lashes) are minor compared to the big picture and doing more could potentially reverse or hurt things that are currently working for me.  He explained that I have a nice, curved lower lid; a healthy eye minus the dryness that I continue to address; and even a nice upper lid minus the droop from the weight.  He explained that there is no perfect when you experience such trauma and that at the time, he was pretty amazed.  So, both good and bad news I guess.  I am happy about the progress, but was hopeful for those final little touches.  Dr. Cowen said that eyeliner or tattoo in the future could cosmetically enhance the eye if I chose to go that route, but the important thing was keeping my eye healthy.  The only places he said he could possibly help would be inserting a plug into my tear duct to keep the drops and ointment  from draining and doing electrolysis on those few lashes I do have that rub against my eye. The first would help keep my eye lubricated longer and the second would prevent abrasion to the eye since it is numb.  Kermie and I haven't really talked about it any since coming home, but they are definitely things to consider in the future.

On to my girl!  Recently, Ella has been obsessed with the keyboard in her room.  She's going to be much like her daddy and able to pick up things by ear, so I asked her if she wanted to try taking lessons.  It just so happens that a mother of one of my students gives lessons, so we did our very first lesson Thursday.  Ella was excited all day and is still just as excited.  Her and Linda explored the piano by learning the names of the white keys and even put together enough notes to learn two songs.  Linda hadn't told her the name of the song as she was playing the notes, but wanted to see if she could figure it out as she played.  I loved the way she taught it like that.  Ella has some homework until our next lesson and I'm hoping this is something she keeps up with!

And, now the husband!  He really has been working super hard and loves his job.  He loves building, learning, the whole business thing, and the "experiences" he has with all of my family!  I know that he wants to make this a career and prove to my dad/grandpa that he's serious about his work and after this week, I'd say his dedication is starting to pay off.  I beat him home every night and I even got home late each night!  He always beats me to work and I have to be there by 7:15!  On Thursday, he and my dad met with a new set of clients and dad introduced Kermie as the contact.  I wasn't really sure what that meant, but now I understand that he's the go to man for the whole house.  I'm sure that's hard for my dad to relinquish all that control because it would be for me too!  He and my grandpa built the business themselves and to trust your life's work to someone else is tough!  I am praying this is only the beginning of something great!

Instead of going to work today, Kermie and I headed to Good Samaritan Hospital for my "hopefully last" surgery!  Dr. Patel was going to fix the scar below my eye by cutting the tissue out, anchoring it to the cheek, and stitching it back together.  Before heading back to the OR, he talked about possibly revising the scar that continues down my cheek, but wouldn't know for sure until he got a better look.  I told him I trusted that he knew what would look best and to have at it!  After all, he is responsible for putting me together back in December.  Anyone who saw me that morning knows how great of a job he did!  As I was waking up today, not only was I loopy from the meds, but I became confused when I heard the nurses talking about the work done on my forehead and cheek!  Apparently, Dr. Patel excised the scar under my eye, left the other smaller one alone, and decided to go ahead with the scar on my forehead.  He told Kermie that when he worked on the first scar, the stretching made the cheek look better.  It can be something we can revisit in the office if need be later on.  Overall, I feel pretty good.  I was kind of sick before going with allergies/sinus stuff, so that along with surgery isn't the best.  I'm hoping to take it easy the next two days and head back to school Monday.

Speaking of taking it easy the next two days, tomorrow is our eleven year anniversary.  I'd have to admit I'd much rather be back in Florida or the tennis tournament, but letting Kermie take care of me isn't all that bad!  He's pretty spectacular at it and time to rest is probably best any way... or at least that's what I'm telling myself!  Happy Anniversary, Kermie!  I love you.

Two of My Greatest Blessings

I've been wanting to do a blog post about my kiddos for a while now, so tonight's post is dedicated to two of my greatest blessings, Ella and Grayson.  From a very young age, I knew I wanted to be a mom.  I couldn't wait to see how my children would look and how they would act.  I've always marveled at how God allows us to create such awesome miracles!  Now that I've got my own, I'm still in awe of how perfectly imperfect He made my kiddos.

I'll start with Ms. Ella.  She's a lot like me in both good and bad ways!  She's the "older" sister, so she's bossy and a know-it-all.  I honestly don't like playing with her because she tells me EXACTLY how to play.  Heaven forbid I want to name my own Barbie and color a specific picture!  (haha) She's creative beyond my imagination and has a huge heart.  She's brainstorming ways for me to see again out of my right eye and actually has pretty good ideas if her math and science can lead her in the right direction. Her poor little heart breaks when she has to leave those she loves most.  Take my mom for instance.  She and Ella have a special relationship that I am very thankful for.  On the other hand, Ella nearly has a meltdown when it's time to leave her Nana! I remember being the same way when I was small with my nanny.  On the other hand... she's quite the dramatic as well.  I know the child deals with anxiety and it's a serious road blocker for her, but she also deals with making things WAY bigger than they should be.  Kermie and I are afraid to take her out sometimes because we are afraid of what scene she will make when it's time to go home.  We've told her countless times that people are going to think we are terrible parents by the way she acts.  Much like her mommy, she gets very anxious at bedtime.  Or at least I did as a child and even still have trouble at night if I'm in an uncomfortable place.  It's strange how something so specific can be passed down  She absolutely loves school and her teachers.  She is a deep thinker and can rationalize things that most 6.75 year olds can't.  This is both good and bad.  Even though I'm partial, I happen to think she's absolutely beautiful both inside and out.  She makes my day with her small little compliments.  The other day after the day was nearing it's end, she said, " Mommy, your pony tail was perfect today."  It's those things that make her even more special.    She wants to be as good as she can possibly be and even hoped that getting baptized would stop her from doing "bad" things.  How could you not forgive such innocence?  She sees the good in everyone and has a tremendous amount of faith.  And, last but not least, she makes me very proud to be her mommy!

Then there's the second child...

Like I've said before, Grayson is most definitely one of a kind!  He's obsessed with "workers," "all things cool," and any thing else his daddy does.  The funny thing is what he considers cool.  He has at least ten wardrobe changes a day which all consist of putting his shirt on backwards, worker jeans, boots, a cool hat, and whatever accessory he can find even if it is his sisters or mommy's.  He loves coming home from being gone all day because he already knows what outfit he wants to put on in order to go "mow" the grass.  The poor kid will go out in 90 degree weather dressed for winter because he thinks he looks the part.  God love him.  Grayson is also an instigator.  He loves to get his sister all riled up and has no problem being mean when he's bossed around.  He is sensitive and caring and has so much love to give if you catch him at the right moment.  I can usually count on him to do favors for me when I'm feeling lazy because he loves to make his mommy happy.  For instance, I was laying on the couch tonight and asked both kids to grab my favorite blanket.  Ella quickly refused while Grayson got up and grabbed it without hesitating.  He loves being rubbed and wont let you stop for a minute.  I'm not certain that school will be as important or fun to him like it is his sister, but we will find out in a few weeks when he starts preschool.  I've tried my hardest this summer, but he gives me about 10 minutes and then he's gone!  Good luck to his future teachers.  He can say some pretty mean things when he wants which I think is another thing he may get from me.  Boo!  We are working on that and I'm trying to set a better example.  Until then, he spends a lot of his life in time out. I can honestly say that I was nervous about having a boy after having my meek and somewhat mild Ella, but Grayson stole my heart the minute I laid eyes on him.  Yes, he can be rowdy, but he's oh so sweet at the same time.  Just like his sister, but in his own unique way, he makes me proud to be his mommy!

As always, I'm thankful for these babies and every memory we make together.

Existing with Purpose

Do you ever feel like you are just "existing" for the sake of existing?  You wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, take care of all of your daily responsibilities, fix dinner, pick up the house, put the kids to bed, go to bed yourself, and start over the very next morning.  This is what I consider the daily struggle and this type of rote, monotonous living wears me down.  Existing in this type of world is easy to fall into and much more difficult trying to escape from.  It dulls your senses and affects the relationships that you are a part of.

Let me give you an example.  There are weeks that my husband and I go with saying very little to one another and sometimes it's only to get on the other for doing something we think should or shouldn't have been done.  We grow impatient with our kids and with one another and completely forget to put ourselves in the shoes of the other.  He has no idea what my day entailed and I have no idea about his daily struggles, so simply communicating about these things would put a stop to all the negativity that comes with getting stuck in the "rut" of life.  We are selfish instead of selfless and our kids see this in how we react to certain situations and each other.  We love each other without a doubt, but do we live a life that shows our children how marriage should really look?  Do they have an example of what God intends parents to be like?  Do they feel secure and confident in themselves by the way we treat them?  

This past week, Kermie and I took a much needed vacation with all intents and purposes to refuel and get back to passionately loving one another the way we once did.  My heart was set on coming away from this experience with compassion, understanding, and patience for one another.  The very moment we set off on the plane, I knew this was going to be a great week.  We were both excited about the idea of no responsibility or schedule to adhere to.  We would do whatever we wanted to do and in the process make memories that would enable us to come back home better people.  Have you ever had a moment that you wish you could pause and stay in forever because it was as close to perfect as you think possible?  Well, I had so many moments like that this past week that I'm sure I drove Kermie nuts telling him I never wanted them to end.  Waking up in a huge, comfy bed whenever I felt like waking up was one.  Sitting on the beach with no time limit or child to worry about was another.  Swimming in a cove off of the Keys with the most breathtaking view was another.  Laying by the pool with a book in hand and a whole day to waste was another.  And, I could go on and on for days.  I really enjoyed the small things this week and am so thankful to have had the opportunity to have those "perfect" moments and more importantly to share them with the man God placed in my life as my soul mate.  Yes, we are different.  Yes, we argue.  Yes, we drive each other batty.  But, NO we will not let our differences get in the way of loving each other to our fullest ability.  He honestly makes me a better person and I can only hope that I do the same for him.

So, as we were preparing for our return to reality, I tried to tell myself that there would be two choices in how to handle life as it presented itself.... to exist just to exist or exist with a purpose.  I'll tell you now that I chose the later and will continue to do so as long as God promises me that my life has more meaning than those monotonous days I grow accustomed to.  I want to exist to inspire others, see the best in all people and situations, and love fully without reservations.  In order to do this though, I know that I will need Him to keep refueling and reminding me of the way.  I want my heart to constantly break for others.  I want my pride to be humbled.  I want to be motivated to be better and live the life that was intended for me.  I want to be compassionate in all situations.  And, I want to lead.  I'm tired of just living.  I want to change the world and I'm starting with my own family with His help.  So, when you are saying your prayers each night, please keep me and my family in mind.  I'm ready for God to do big things within our hearts.

  

A little hodgepodge

There are so many times over the past several weeks that I have thought, "I should totally blog about this!" but never did.  Honestly, I probably think about blogging several times a day, but then for some reason, never make it to the laptop.  So, I am forewarning you now, tonight's post will cover a hodgepodge of topics.  After all, I need to get all of these stored up ideas off of my mind.... it's been on my to do list for far too long!

Blog Topic Number One:  Summers are incredibly awesome!
     Yes, I love my job and not only because of the awesome schedule that comes with it!!!  There is nothing better than getting 8 (plus or minus a few weeks) of time with my kiddos with absolutely no agenda.  I set no alarm and simply get woken up by my children begging me for breakfast.  I think by this point they have realized that I'm not going to jump up the very second they ask because the asking has started a little later.  After we eat breakfast, we typically spend a little time getting the house picked back up (another wonderful thing!).  Who has time to do that during the school year?  Not me.  But, for the most part, my house stays fairly clean all summer long.  Then, after deciding between an "at home" day (consisting of a little homeschool, lots of playtime, refereeing a few brother/sister battles, eating non-stop, and possibly catching up on some tv), swim day (my dear friend Ashley invites us to her parent's pool frequently, my mother-in-law has a nice pool the kids enjoy swimming in, or there's always the freezing water park), or some other summer "adventure,"  we head out for the day.  Life doesn't get much sweeter!


Blog Topic Number Two:  Homeschool / Summer School
     Ideally, I set bigger goals for our summer school than what we actually accomplish, but I feel that we've done pretty well so far.  I will start by saying it is hard teaching your own kids!  I have way less patience and totally need it when it comes to teaching my three year old!  Ella was always pretty eager to learn and would sit still long enough to actually learn.  Grayson, on the other hand, would much rather play or joke the entire time.  Bribery has become my best friend with him.  He answers a few questions and I give him something to eat.  I'm trying not to compare the two as we go, but that his hard as well.  After all, Ella is the only thing I have to compare progress to.  He's pretty proud of himself for identifying almost every letter and numbers 1 - 10.  I'm proud too and thankful that each time we sit down, it gets easier!  He starts preschool in August and I think it will be WONDERFUL for him!  Ella is trucking right along too.  She's reading, staying in touch with her first grade teacher through pen pal letters, and working aggressively on her math.  We saw a light bulb turn on earlier this week which was inspiring!  

Blog Topic Number Three:  Grayson Swimming
      At the beginning of the summer, Grayson wanted nothing to do with water.  In fact, bath time was horrible because he was afraid of water getting in his face.  Several weeks later, with the motivation of seeing other kids his age beginning to swim, Grayson is swimming without his float (for short distances), putting his face in the water, and even went down the slide today.  It is so important for children to learn how to swim and I remember feeling so relieved when Ella conquered it.  Grayson will have it down soon enough!

Blog Topic Number Four:  Family Vacation
       Typically, we go on a vacation with just us four, but this year we decided to switch things up  a bit and spent half of the week with my family in Orlando and the other half in Sarasota where Kermie grew up.  I find it hard to travel with large groups because you always have to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether or not you are going to hurt someone's feelings by not wanting to do the same thing.  In fact, it never fails that someone does get upset and my stomach is in knots.  Kermie isn't the biggest on extended family vacations either and if you know him, you know he's not afraid to speak his mind.  I, being the people-pleaser :( , am always afraid of how he might come across!   As a child, I enjoyed our extended family vacations and as a parent, I would like my kids to have some of those experiences as well.  Needless to say, my kids had a great time in Orlando with Nana and Pa and made many memories.  I think Ella's favorite part was Disney World.  She and Grayson both rode many rides and loved swimming in the hotel pools. Grayson says he loved the beach best.  I think he liked the waves and feeling like a big boy out there in the ocean.

Blog Topic Number Five:  Sibling Fights
      I'm Over Them!  My kids fight non-stop.  I've tried just about everything I can think of to stop it, but it continues!  I remember fighting with my brother when we were small, but I don't know if we fought as much as mine.  They can say some of the most horrible and hurtful things and then love each other the very next second.  I'm so thankful they have each other, but at the same time wish they were a bit more grateful!  Any suggestions would be wonderful!

Blog Topic Number Six:  No Kids Allowed Vacation
      The highlight of my summer (or at least I'm thinking it will be the highlight) is mine and Kermie's no kids allowed vacation!  We have never left the kids for more than one night other than when I was in the hospital, but Monday we leave for Florida for four nights!  I am SO excited, but a little anxious at the same time.  I know my kids ADORE both sets of grandparents and always have a great time, so that makes it a little easier leaving them.  They say they are excited so we will see if that holds true Monday morning.  They are going to spend half of the week with my parents and the other half with Kermie's parents.  I hope the grandparents are as excited as my kids are! :) ha I'm not sure that Kermie and I will know what to do with ourselves for that long of a time span without kids, but I will tell you that we need it!  We've had a crazy year full of a ton of stress and we both know it has about worn us out in the process!  Plus, we will have been married 11 years next month and why not celebrate a little early?  I'm totally ready for a little R & R with the hubs! Now, to get me on and off the plane without any major anxiety!  Prayers welcome!!!


As far as my recovery goes, the only new thing is that I have an appointment with a new surgeon in August (the same week that Dr. Patel will be doing surgery) to see what he thinks about my lower lid reconstruction.  I'm anxious to see what he thinks and whether or not we can get my eye looking more like the left.  We shall see :)  Until next time....