It's officially May and I haven't blogged for three months. In all honesty, I've blogged multiple times in my mind as I shift and thumb through different ideas that pop in and out as the days pass by, but getting on the computer and actually typing this stuff down is another story. On the other hand, over the past several months, there has been one issue that has been a recurrent theme in these "mental blog posts" and that's the issue of why the female species has to be so hard on one another whether directly or indirectly.
As a female myself, I've lived this reality and would never dream of going back and reliving those childish days when I most definitely chose to surround myself with members of the opposite sex than the "mean girls" that said one thing to my face and another behind my back. I always tried to be selective in choosing my friends while trying to be accepting and forgiving of others at the same time. Life only made sense to me when I felt lifted and motivated by those around me, but at the same time I wanted to make sure I wasn't being judgmental by not associating with those that weren't necessarily the most optimistic and caring individuals. It's too bad that this kind of "childish" stuff followed me well into my thirties. I guess when you are a girl it never truly ends. Much is self-inflicted and some is the result of outside influence (bullying), but regardless of how the shame is placed on a girl's life, it should have never gotten there in the first place. We (females) are emotional beings and naturally selfish (I'm both of these for sure!), but CONSTANTLY putting others down to make yourself look better is not okay. CONSTANTLY manipulating situations to come out on top isn't right either. CONSTANTLY playing favorites and expecting everyone to be a certain way isn't right either. Most people who know me don't typically come to me with complaints and gossip because I don't like taking part. These days, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm usually "out of the loop," and begin wondering what others really think about me as a person and professional. Don't get me wrong, I've most definitely participated in gossip and I will be the first to admit manipulating situations to give myself the upper hand, but I usually immediately recognize this flaw and seek to change myself for the better. In the past, I've typically always kept quiet and went about things on my own and in what way I felt was best. And, although I intend to continue the latter, I refuse to not to stand up against things that I know are not okay. After all, as the adults influencing young children, isn't it up to us to be the role model and show girls the right way to act? Aren't we setting the example of how to treat each other and how to encourage the best in others no matter how hard it may be. There are SO many times that I have had to suck it up, keep my opinions to myself, and sacrifice for the greater good. Can you imagine what this world would be like if the majority of women did this? Can you imagine what message we would be sending the girls under our influence? Life is not a popularity contest and it IS okay to be who you want, when you want. You don't have to make excuses for you, but no matter who you decide to be, you do have to be both civil and respectful. This means women and girls alike need to be honest, encouraging, inspiring, mature, kind and have the ability to see their flaws and fix them in order to better their selves.
As a school teacher, I see this stuff day in and day out with our girls in fifth grade. We are talking 10 and 11 year olds, people! They are friends one day and enemies the next. Instead of being happy for one another, they degrade and belittle. Instead of accepting differences, they force each other to fit the "mold" of what a girl "should" be. I cannot count the number of times I hear the word "cool" during the school day (This relates to both genders.). Kids have this idea of what is BEST, and this idea is so terribly twisted that it breaks my heart. Do we honestly come out of the womb with these misconceptions or are they something we are learning? Is the media messing with our gender? Are the parents and adult role models playing into this? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I refuse to believe that girls are naturally mean, self-absorbed, and incapable of being decent human beings. I refuse to have children in tears because they don't fit in or have been hurt by the words of another girl. I also refuse to have girls feeling the "shame" they place on themselves because they aren't sure what someone things about them. Life is not all about you no matter how bad you want it to be. Life is better when we are at peace with one another, working to encourage each other to be the best we can be. No where in the mix does that mean talking about someone behind their back. No where in the mix does that mean you have to completely agree with someone else. No where in the mix does that mean you have to be BFFs with everyone. But, what it does mean is that we cannot continue tearing each other apart because these girls will grow to be the same women that do the same things as an adult. The cycle has to be broken somewhere.
As a mom of a second grade girl, I see and hear about instances of this same type of girl drama. Seven and eight year olds should not have to think about such non-sense. Yet, it happens all of the time. Girls get jealous if another chooses not to play with them at recess. Girls get upset if someone shows someone else a little more attention. I know that a lot of this is due to the fact that we are imperfect human beings from the moment we are born, but I know that us parents could do a lot more to make sure little girls aren't going home with their hearts broken. I know that my daughter is selfish like the rest of us, but I also know she has the power to control that selfishness just the same. Instead of getting jealous, envious, or even, I'd like for her to show empathy and realize she has a choice in how she reacts to certain situations. None of those listed are going to make her feel better, only worse. I most definitely want her to be the best at everything. Doesn't every mother? But, I also want her to encourage others to be the best at everything as well. I would cherish her encouragement of others far more than being at the top of the food chain any day. Meanwhile, it's up to other parents of young girls like myself to teach our daughters how to be girls that inspire and can truly be counted on .
So, the next time you feel the urge to talk about, put down, criticize, or bully someone of the same sex, stop and think about the potential outcome of your words. As women, we have a huge responsibility of modeling the younger generation. Let's take this job seriously. I know I will.
