Existing with Purpose

Do you ever feel like you are just "existing" for the sake of existing?  You wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, take care of all of your daily responsibilities, fix dinner, pick up the house, put the kids to bed, go to bed yourself, and start over the very next morning.  This is what I consider the daily struggle and this type of rote, monotonous living wears me down.  Existing in this type of world is easy to fall into and much more difficult trying to escape from.  It dulls your senses and affects the relationships that you are a part of.

Let me give you an example.  There are weeks that my husband and I go with saying very little to one another and sometimes it's only to get on the other for doing something we think should or shouldn't have been done.  We grow impatient with our kids and with one another and completely forget to put ourselves in the shoes of the other.  He has no idea what my day entailed and I have no idea about his daily struggles, so simply communicating about these things would put a stop to all the negativity that comes with getting stuck in the "rut" of life.  We are selfish instead of selfless and our kids see this in how we react to certain situations and each other.  We love each other without a doubt, but do we live a life that shows our children how marriage should really look?  Do they have an example of what God intends parents to be like?  Do they feel secure and confident in themselves by the way we treat them?  

This past week, Kermie and I took a much needed vacation with all intents and purposes to refuel and get back to passionately loving one another the way we once did.  My heart was set on coming away from this experience with compassion, understanding, and patience for one another.  The very moment we set off on the plane, I knew this was going to be a great week.  We were both excited about the idea of no responsibility or schedule to adhere to.  We would do whatever we wanted to do and in the process make memories that would enable us to come back home better people.  Have you ever had a moment that you wish you could pause and stay in forever because it was as close to perfect as you think possible?  Well, I had so many moments like that this past week that I'm sure I drove Kermie nuts telling him I never wanted them to end.  Waking up in a huge, comfy bed whenever I felt like waking up was one.  Sitting on the beach with no time limit or child to worry about was another.  Swimming in a cove off of the Keys with the most breathtaking view was another.  Laying by the pool with a book in hand and a whole day to waste was another.  And, I could go on and on for days.  I really enjoyed the small things this week and am so thankful to have had the opportunity to have those "perfect" moments and more importantly to share them with the man God placed in my life as my soul mate.  Yes, we are different.  Yes, we argue.  Yes, we drive each other batty.  But, NO we will not let our differences get in the way of loving each other to our fullest ability.  He honestly makes me a better person and I can only hope that I do the same for him.

So, as we were preparing for our return to reality, I tried to tell myself that there would be two choices in how to handle life as it presented itself.... to exist just to exist or exist with a purpose.  I'll tell you now that I chose the later and will continue to do so as long as God promises me that my life has more meaning than those monotonous days I grow accustomed to.  I want to exist to inspire others, see the best in all people and situations, and love fully without reservations.  In order to do this though, I know that I will need Him to keep refueling and reminding me of the way.  I want my heart to constantly break for others.  I want my pride to be humbled.  I want to be motivated to be better and live the life that was intended for me.  I want to be compassionate in all situations.  And, I want to lead.  I'm tired of just living.  I want to change the world and I'm starting with my own family with His help.  So, when you are saying your prayers each night, please keep me and my family in mind.  I'm ready for God to do big things within our hearts.

  

A little hodgepodge

There are so many times over the past several weeks that I have thought, "I should totally blog about this!" but never did.  Honestly, I probably think about blogging several times a day, but then for some reason, never make it to the laptop.  So, I am forewarning you now, tonight's post will cover a hodgepodge of topics.  After all, I need to get all of these stored up ideas off of my mind.... it's been on my to do list for far too long!

Blog Topic Number One:  Summers are incredibly awesome!
     Yes, I love my job and not only because of the awesome schedule that comes with it!!!  There is nothing better than getting 8 (plus or minus a few weeks) of time with my kiddos with absolutely no agenda.  I set no alarm and simply get woken up by my children begging me for breakfast.  I think by this point they have realized that I'm not going to jump up the very second they ask because the asking has started a little later.  After we eat breakfast, we typically spend a little time getting the house picked back up (another wonderful thing!).  Who has time to do that during the school year?  Not me.  But, for the most part, my house stays fairly clean all summer long.  Then, after deciding between an "at home" day (consisting of a little homeschool, lots of playtime, refereeing a few brother/sister battles, eating non-stop, and possibly catching up on some tv), swim day (my dear friend Ashley invites us to her parent's pool frequently, my mother-in-law has a nice pool the kids enjoy swimming in, or there's always the freezing water park), or some other summer "adventure,"  we head out for the day.  Life doesn't get much sweeter!


Blog Topic Number Two:  Homeschool / Summer School
     Ideally, I set bigger goals for our summer school than what we actually accomplish, but I feel that we've done pretty well so far.  I will start by saying it is hard teaching your own kids!  I have way less patience and totally need it when it comes to teaching my three year old!  Ella was always pretty eager to learn and would sit still long enough to actually learn.  Grayson, on the other hand, would much rather play or joke the entire time.  Bribery has become my best friend with him.  He answers a few questions and I give him something to eat.  I'm trying not to compare the two as we go, but that his hard as well.  After all, Ella is the only thing I have to compare progress to.  He's pretty proud of himself for identifying almost every letter and numbers 1 - 10.  I'm proud too and thankful that each time we sit down, it gets easier!  He starts preschool in August and I think it will be WONDERFUL for him!  Ella is trucking right along too.  She's reading, staying in touch with her first grade teacher through pen pal letters, and working aggressively on her math.  We saw a light bulb turn on earlier this week which was inspiring!  

Blog Topic Number Three:  Grayson Swimming
      At the beginning of the summer, Grayson wanted nothing to do with water.  In fact, bath time was horrible because he was afraid of water getting in his face.  Several weeks later, with the motivation of seeing other kids his age beginning to swim, Grayson is swimming without his float (for short distances), putting his face in the water, and even went down the slide today.  It is so important for children to learn how to swim and I remember feeling so relieved when Ella conquered it.  Grayson will have it down soon enough!

Blog Topic Number Four:  Family Vacation
       Typically, we go on a vacation with just us four, but this year we decided to switch things up  a bit and spent half of the week with my family in Orlando and the other half in Sarasota where Kermie grew up.  I find it hard to travel with large groups because you always have to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether or not you are going to hurt someone's feelings by not wanting to do the same thing.  In fact, it never fails that someone does get upset and my stomach is in knots.  Kermie isn't the biggest on extended family vacations either and if you know him, you know he's not afraid to speak his mind.  I, being the people-pleaser :( , am always afraid of how he might come across!   As a child, I enjoyed our extended family vacations and as a parent, I would like my kids to have some of those experiences as well.  Needless to say, my kids had a great time in Orlando with Nana and Pa and made many memories.  I think Ella's favorite part was Disney World.  She and Grayson both rode many rides and loved swimming in the hotel pools. Grayson says he loved the beach best.  I think he liked the waves and feeling like a big boy out there in the ocean.

Blog Topic Number Five:  Sibling Fights
      I'm Over Them!  My kids fight non-stop.  I've tried just about everything I can think of to stop it, but it continues!  I remember fighting with my brother when we were small, but I don't know if we fought as much as mine.  They can say some of the most horrible and hurtful things and then love each other the very next second.  I'm so thankful they have each other, but at the same time wish they were a bit more grateful!  Any suggestions would be wonderful!

Blog Topic Number Six:  No Kids Allowed Vacation
      The highlight of my summer (or at least I'm thinking it will be the highlight) is mine and Kermie's no kids allowed vacation!  We have never left the kids for more than one night other than when I was in the hospital, but Monday we leave for Florida for four nights!  I am SO excited, but a little anxious at the same time.  I know my kids ADORE both sets of grandparents and always have a great time, so that makes it a little easier leaving them.  They say they are excited so we will see if that holds true Monday morning.  They are going to spend half of the week with my parents and the other half with Kermie's parents.  I hope the grandparents are as excited as my kids are! :) ha I'm not sure that Kermie and I will know what to do with ourselves for that long of a time span without kids, but I will tell you that we need it!  We've had a crazy year full of a ton of stress and we both know it has about worn us out in the process!  Plus, we will have been married 11 years next month and why not celebrate a little early?  I'm totally ready for a little R & R with the hubs! Now, to get me on and off the plane without any major anxiety!  Prayers welcome!!!


As far as my recovery goes, the only new thing is that I have an appointment with a new surgeon in August (the same week that Dr. Patel will be doing surgery) to see what he thinks about my lower lid reconstruction.  I'm anxious to see what he thinks and whether or not we can get my eye looking more like the left.  We shall see :)  Until next time....