This one's for the girls

It's officially May and I haven't blogged for three months.  In all honesty, I've blogged multiple times in my mind as I shift and thumb through different ideas that pop in and out as the days pass by, but getting on the computer and actually typing this stuff down is another story.  On the other hand, over the past several months, there has been one issue that has been a recurrent theme in these "mental blog posts" and that's the issue of why the female species has to be so hard on one another whether directly or indirectly.

As a female myself, I've lived this reality and would never dream of going back and reliving those childish days when I most definitely chose to surround myself with members of the opposite sex than the "mean girls" that said one thing to my face and another behind my back.  I always tried to be selective in choosing my friends while trying to be accepting and forgiving of others at the same time.  Life only made sense to me when I felt lifted and motivated by those around me, but at the same time I wanted to make sure I wasn't being judgmental by not associating with those that weren't necessarily the most optimistic and caring individuals.  It's too bad that this kind of "childish" stuff followed me well into my thirties.  I guess when you are a girl it never truly ends.  Much is self-inflicted and some is the result of outside influence (bullying), but regardless of how the shame is placed on a girl's life, it should have never gotten there in the first place.  We (females) are emotional beings and naturally selfish (I'm both of these for sure!), but CONSTANTLY putting others down to make yourself look better is not okay.  CONSTANTLY manipulating situations to come out on top isn't right either. CONSTANTLY playing favorites and expecting everyone to be a certain way isn't right either.  Most people who know me don't typically come to me with complaints and gossip because I don't like taking part.  These days, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I'm usually "out of the loop," and begin wondering what others really think about me as a person and professional.  Don't get me wrong, I've most definitely participated in gossip and I will be the first to admit manipulating situations to give myself the upper hand, but I usually immediately recognize this flaw and seek to change myself for the better.  In the past, I've typically always kept quiet and went about things on my own and in what way I felt was best.  And, although I intend to continue the latter, I refuse to not to stand up against things that I know are not okay.  After all, as the adults influencing young children, isn't it up to us to be the role model and show girls the right way to act? Aren't we setting the example of how to treat each other and how to encourage the best in others no matter how hard it may be.  There are SO many times that I have  had to suck it up, keep my opinions to myself, and sacrifice for the greater good.  Can you imagine what this world would be like if the majority of women did this?  Can you imagine what message we would be sending the girls under our influence?  Life is not a popularity contest and it IS okay to be who you want, when you want.  You don't have to make excuses for you, but no matter who you decide to be, you do have to be both civil and respectful.  This means women and girls alike need to be honest, encouraging, inspiring,  mature, kind and have the ability to see their flaws and fix them in order to better their selves.  

As a school teacher, I see this stuff day in and day out with our girls in fifth grade.  We are talking 10 and 11 year olds, people!  They are friends one day and enemies the next.  Instead of being happy for one another, they degrade and belittle.  Instead of accepting differences, they force each other to fit the "mold" of what a girl "should" be.  I cannot count the number of times I hear the word "cool" during the school day (This relates to both genders.).  Kids have this idea of what is BEST, and this idea is so terribly twisted that it breaks my heart.  Do we honestly come out of the womb with these misconceptions or are they something we are learning?  Is the media messing with our gender?  Are the parents and adult role models playing into this?  It just doesn't make any sense to me.  I refuse to believe that girls are naturally mean, self-absorbed, and incapable of being decent human beings.  I refuse to have children in tears because they don't fit in or have been hurt by the words of another girl. I also refuse to have girls feeling the "shame" they place on themselves because they aren't sure what someone things about them.  Life is not all about you no matter how bad you want it to be.  Life is better when we are at peace with one another, working to encourage each other to be the best we can be.  No where in the mix does that mean talking about someone behind their back.  No where in the mix does that mean you have to completely agree with someone else.  No where in the mix does that mean you have to be BFFs with everyone.  But, what it does mean is that we cannot continue tearing each other apart because these girls will grow to be the same women that do the same things as an adult.  The cycle has to be broken somewhere.

As a mom of a second grade girl, I see and hear about instances of this same type of girl drama. Seven and eight year olds should not have to think about such non-sense.  Yet, it happens all of the time.  Girls get jealous if another chooses not to play with them at recess.  Girls get upset if someone shows someone else a little more attention.  I know that a lot of this is due to the fact that we are imperfect human beings from the moment we are born, but I know that us parents could do a lot more to make sure little girls aren't going home with their hearts broken.  I know that my daughter is selfish like the rest of us, but I also know she has the power to control that selfishness just the same.  Instead of getting jealous, envious, or even, I'd like for her to show empathy and realize she has a choice in how she reacts to certain situations.  None of those listed are going to make her feel better, only worse.  I most definitely want her to be the best at everything.  Doesn't every mother?   But, I also want her to encourage others to be the best at everything as well.  I would cherish her encouragement of others far more than being at the top of the food chain any day.  Meanwhile, it's up to other parents of young girls like myself to teach our daughters how to be girls that inspire and can truly be counted on .

So, the next time you feel the urge to talk about, put down, criticize, or bully someone of the same sex, stop and think about the potential outcome of your words.  As women, we have a huge responsibility of modeling the younger generation.  Let's take this job seriously.  I know I will.

Snow Bliss

Any one that knows me well, knows that I love snow.  Yes, I love it because it gives me unexpected
days at home with my kiddos, but I also love it because it's beautiful!  Any window you look out of right now allows you to catch a glimpse of a marvelous, winter wonderland; for this I am grateful! Just last week, I was beginning to think we wouldn't get a good snow this year.  And, I had almost gotten used to the fact that snow days were over for the year and I'd get a little extra family time this summer.  Don't get me wrong, summer is great, but there is something extra special about being snowed in.  It makes my heart warm.  I just hope all my kiddos at school are warm... literally!

As soon as I logged in this morning, I realized that it's been a while since I last posted.  That seems to be the trend during the school year and might have something to do with us not being at home much during the week.  So, I'll take a few lines and fill you in on what's going on with the Donovan Clan. I'll start with Ella and Grayson.  Ella is going full force with piano and I'm pretty sure she's found her niche.  She's much like her daddy in the arts respect.  She's musically inclined and I love that they have that "natural" ability.  I, on the other hand, have to have the music in front of me to play anything at all!  Grayson is busy playing basketball right now (his first time at it) and has decided he'd rather play it over tee-ball.  We shall see.  I will say that it's the first sport he has actually practiced on at home... on his own.  In addition, we're working on the sibling fights and I'm praying for lots of patience.  I think it's gotten better, but we still have miles to go before we're done!  We've had to really limit technology time and, at times, I'd like to totally throw all electronics in the trash can!  I don't ever remember being so "obsessed" with technology, but I guess that is because it didn't exist!  Does any one else have this problem?  Fifteen minutes is about the max time I will let either of them play for a day.  It's just so hard to know where to draw the line without hindering their creativity.

Now, on to the rest of us.  Kermie has been working non-stop on the house after he gets home from work and on the weekends.  Although it may not look like much, he's actually gotten a lot of the "behind the scenes" work done.  With our house being so old, he has run into several obstacles that I know are driving him crazy.  And, I feel pretty helpless not being able to help with the actual design and building since I have no idea what to do.  Consequently, I've just been trying to keep the house clean while all of the madness ensues.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there aren't many more obstacles and we can get our bathroom and laundry wrapped up soon!

On a side note, I recently went to a new doctor to see what their opinion was on battling my anxiety, depression, fatigue, etc.  I had several blood work tests done and was put on a vitamin (all of which have been thoroughly researched) regiment.  After just a few weeks, I was feeling quite a bit better.  My energy level itself nearly doubled!  I'm very thankful for the energy to exercise consistently at home and keep up with my kids!  There for a while I felt terrible and guilty that I felt so worthless.  A week ago, I went back for my follow up visit to see how my blood work results came back.  My thyroid was all good, but I had several food allergy concerns that I honestly wasn't surprised by. Based on a low, moderate, avoid (not safe) scale, I am to avoid all dairy and egg whites.  There were a few other common foods that fell within the moderate range, but the dairy was the kicker.  I love all things dairy!!!!! I'm going to try my hardest to LIMIT some of my dairy intake, but to completely avoid would not be living (At least not for this ice cream, cheese, and egg loving momma!)!  We shall see how this goes over the next few weeks!  On top of the food allergies, I am also trying a more natural form of antidepressant which means coming off my Cymbalta.  So far, kind of rough.  I may or may not make it through that transition!  If not, life will go on and I'll be blessed either way! :)

I'm thankful for this down time to blog!  Maybe I'll get another 4 or 5 days of it! :) 

2015: The Year of Peace

I typically am not one for resolutions  because I don't like the feeling of defeat when what I've set out to do isn't very realistic.  However, this year I'm going to take a different approach to make my life one of peace.  Last year was definitely a trying year (peace-less at times) and was full of many ups and downs, but throughout the whole thing, I learned many valuable lessons.  So, based on those experiences, other life lessons, and what I feel God wants for my life, I've created a list of things I'm going to try harder to do this year and a list of things I'm not going to try harder to do.  Hopefully, maintaining a balance between the two will fill my life and my family's life with more peace than ever before.

Things I WILL try harder on in 2015:

1. Write more because it is a form of therapy for me.  Possibly a book?
2. Be open-minded and always willing to learn new things.  God has placed too many awesome people and books in this world for me to stop learning how to be the best me I can be.  
3. Forgive and truly forgive!  I want to let more "irritating" things roll off and immediately forgive anything that causes unrest in my soul.  Life is too short!
4. Say NO more often so that when I say YES, I will be giving the best of me.
5. Surround myself with positive people!  Life will always be hard, but it's about how we deal with situations that affect us in the end.  Positive, positive, positive!  We are too blessed to always look at the negative!
6. Stay healthy both physically and spiritually!  For me, this will mean eating well, spending time with God, exercising, and worrying way less!
7. Spend quality, "there" time with my family!  They are my most prized possessions and the time I am with them needs to be meaningful.  I don't want to just check it off my list, I want it to be purposeful.
8. Lastly, and most difficult, be open.  I want to share my thoughts and emotions with my friends and family, but in a way that is uplifting for them and me both!  

Things I will NOT try harder on in 2015:

1. Making everyone "happy" all the time.  I'm making decisions  based on what I know is right and best, not what pleases the majority.
2. Keeping up with everyone else!  I love social media, but it can get me down at times.  I want to spend way less time on it and when I do, not let those thoughts of comparison steal my joy.
3. My National Boards.  I set out on the journey this past semester, was very motivated, and got ALOT of it done.  On the other hand, something happened inside of me that caused it to be burdensome and stressful.  I want to be the best teacher I can be and at the moment, this limits me being my best.  My heart needs to be in it, so maybe down the road my heart will change.
4. Make excuses for me.  This one is strange, but my whole life I've never felt like I "fit" in.  I am very introverted, but at the same time can be extremely social.  I've always over-analyzed every moment of every social setting by asking myself, "Am I responding the right way?"  "What do they think of me?"  But, from now on, I'm going to embrace me for me and know that God made me so I need to stop trying to be everything else that I think I'm supposed to be.  Easier said than done, but that's where I am.  If I can't relate and interact, then that's not something I can help.  I don't mean to come off wrong, but I struggle with this daily!  I LOVE people, all people, but I just don't know how to show that very well! 

I'm hoping that this post made sense to the majority.  Somehow, I already feel peace just by putting this into words.  I hope everyone has a blessed year and that when life throws a curve ball, we mend and react in ways that promote peace.  Until next time :)