They say, "Stars can't shine without darkness." This quote more or less encompasses what has been my philosophy the past four and a half months. At first, I was overcome with sadness about what had happened, what could have happened, and what would never happen again. But then, God showed me that it is through this "darkness" that HE could shine in me and through me.
I most definitely believe that my relationship with the Lord has grown through this experience, but I'll also tell you that even after going through this "dark" time, I still find myself struggling with the very same issues I experienced before the accident. I guess, at first, I thought it would forever change me, but I still find myself in times of self-pity, self-righteousness, wrath, jealousy, and even wrapped up in worthless, worldly things. And then, when I'm at my lowest point, I am reminded that I am human and that Jesus died so that I could be forgiven for all of these things. What an amazing sacrifice! The very creator of the universe knew that I would need this constant forgiveness even after experiencing the hand of God over mine and Ella's lives December 2nd.
So, where does all of this leave me today.... at another milestone and still grateful! Today puts me twenty days post-op. As you can see from the picture below, my eye has made dramatic improvement. I'm not completely satisfied and find myself feeling "ugly," but I know there is more to all this than my appearances. God is helping me feel comfortable in my new skin and providing me with the opportunity to show people there is a way to overcome losing your sight in one eye and the face you once knew as you ( or whatever other obstacle you may be going through ). He's also providing me with opportunities to continue to improve cosmetically, which I am so thankful for. I'm learning patience and contentment! Those are two things I think I lacked before all of this went down. Out of all of my procedures, the Strabismus surgery was the one I was most excited about and today I went and met with Dr. Stevens for my pre-op appointment. She did several measurements and is set to perform the Strabismus surgery on May 7th. During our conversation today, she mentioned the possibility of gaining some right eye movement after surgery which was totally unexpected. I absolutely cannot wait until May 7th!!
On another note, I'm hoping and praying that I will have another important blog post to share this upcoming Saturday, so please keep my family in your thoughts as we see the final results of the car give-a-way my aunt nominated me for. We are supposed to be at the dealership early Saturday morning as they announce the top three winners and give away a brand new car for one year! What a blessing that would be!
Until then... have a great week!
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