Balance

Tomorrow marks the six month window the doctors gave me to regain the sight in my right eye.  Obviously, this window is just their best guess as to when you can consider it most likely for the vision to repair itself, and while six months is typically the end of the window, my doctor has spoken of cases that went beyond this window.  From the very beginning, well maybe not the first few weeks, but after I really sat down and prayed about the accident and the injuries that I was dealing with, I felt a peace about not regaining my sight. It was very strange, that instant peace, because at first I was extremely bitter and felt sorry for myself.  I wanted to be the "old" me, but what I was learning was that God was molding me into what He wanted me to be.  Since that day, I have continued to pray for complete healing, but I also pray that God would do what He feels is best for me to live a life that is balanced and grounded.

Don't get me wrong, I know that God could heal me this very instant and have faith in miracles, but I also know myself and that having the constant reminder that I am not in control and that I need Him in everything is a great way to keep me balanced.  I led a typical Christian life before the accident; went to church, read my Bible, said my prayers, and everything else that Christians are "supposed" to do, but what I lacked was purpose and balance in my life.  I would very easily get distracted by worldly things, be drawn into old temptations, let my temper get the best of me, think the grass was greener on the other side, etc., etc., etc..  And, while I still deal with those same sins post-accident, I am quickly reminded and grounded because of my blindness. There are times that I become anxious and sad at the thought of never seeing out of both eyes, but then I remember that things could be much worse and are for many people.  I remember that God may want to use my blindness to connect with others with similar conditions.  I remember that He wants to continue to lead me in the right direction and that constantly relying on Him is what I need to do instead of relying on myself.  I remember that there are more serious problems to focus on and that is where I am right now.  I constantly feel a tug that is nudging me towards something more.  I'm thankful for this life that I've been given and even more thankful for the new found balance that He has blessed me with.  And, if my vision doesn't come back, I know that it is a good thing for me.  Without this constant reminder, I am afraid my balance would be come less centered on my true purpose.