Latest Appointment Update

I had another two-week appointment with Dr. Timoney, my eye doctor, this past Wednesday. Before I get into the logistics of the visit, let me first tell you that the past several weeks have been amazing in terms of both my mental and physical healing.  I finally feel like me and I'm loving being able to wear makeup on my whole face!   I am preparing myself for my return to work by planning more lessons (not that they will ever get taught with this crazy weather), going shopping for "back to school" clothes, and preparing my sweet three-year old for life with a working mommy!  I sure have enjoyed my time with him, but I think it's best for both of us that I work!  He gets so attached, as do I! 

Before going to this appointment, I had researched quite a bit about my condition (blind in right eye and the lack of movement to the right is called strabismus) and made a list of questions that I wanted to ask before leaving.  So, after having the vision in my left (good) eye tested and being 20/20 (Thank the Lord!), I started in with all of my questions.

1. Can we see or discuss the CT scans we took about three weeks ago?  Yes, he looked them over and said everything looked great.  No, wood fragments!
2. I was reading up about a woman with similar conditions to mine and learned about Prism Glasses, are these glasses something that would work for me in regards to straightening out my eye without surgery?  No, because my case is a little more complicated.  Prism glasses are good for those with double vision or lazy eye.  (I guess I'd have to have some light perception for them to work?)
3. I also saw this lady go through and recover from strabismus surgery, is this something I can do in the near future if my right movement doesn't come back on its own?  I'm getting really good at using only one eye, but am still very concerned and self-conscious about my eye being turned in.  Absolutely!  We'd still want to wait the six months, but I get to see a "Cranial Nerve/Muscle" doctor at my next visit.  Dr. Timoney highly recommended her and said that she would do an initial visit and then decide when and how the surgery would work for me. 
4. When will we do the reconstruction of my eyelid?  The plan is to do it over Spring Break!  He explained the surgery in detail which I could not replicate in words, but essentially, he will lift my eyelid and insert eye lashes.  It will be an out patient surgery and recovery time is minimal.  It will be so nice to not have an irritated eye from over exposure to air!  I will also be excited to not have to lubricate my eye all the time!
5. Will you release me to go back to work next Wednesday, February 5th?  Yes!  He wrote me a release and I immediately took it to school!  I went into the building for the first time since before Thanksgiving Break!  I saw many of my students (some welcoming...some a bit in shock!).  I'm glad that initial visit is over because it will be less to anticipate on my first day back.

So, overall, I was happy with the outcome of my visit.  This time in about 3 months, I will have a new eyelid and possibly have an idea when I will get my eye straightened!  Since my visit on Wednesday, I also talked to Dr. Patel's assistant, April, who said she was going to get in touch with Dr. Timoney to see if we could do my scar revisions the same time as the eyelid.  If not, we will wait until summer for the scars.  On the other hand, she made an appointment for this upcoming Monday to remove the piece of wood from my cheek!  I am so excited to get it out!  It drives me crazy. 

I think I've mentioned everything that's worth mentioning in this post!  All good news and a very big week coming up next week!  I will be sure to blog again after the wood is removed to at least show you a picture and then again after my first day back at school.  Until then, please pray that my anxiety stays at bay.  I always get back to school jitters, but I'm hoping I get to by-pass all that!  Happy Friday!

Unexpected News

Today, was my appointment with Dr. Patel to make our plan for the skin graft surgery tomorrow.  Despite the "blizzardy" drive to Lexington, our visit went much better than expected.  Don't get me wrong, I was excited about surgery and getting one more step closer to final recovery, but I wasn't expecting the plan Dr. Patel came up with. 

After snapping a few new pictures of my healing, Dr. Patel quickly told me to stop doing his job for him (with a smile of course).  He said that my wound had healed from the inside out like it should have and it did it so much better than he predicted it would.  After poking and prodding for a few minutes, he stopped and said.... I don't want to do the skin graft tomorrow.  Well, when you're me, and you've had this planned and then planned to go back to work and blah...blah....blah........ it throws you for a loop!  He reminded me that he's a surgeon and loves to do surgery, so this was all great news that he was cancelling!  He said that from his perspective, the height of my eyelid looked perfect for Dr. Timoney to reconstruct my eyelid.  He also said that a skin graft may not be necessary at all.  He mentioned being able to smooth out that part of my face without having to do a graft.  So, after Kermie and I drilled him with a zillion questions, the final consensus was for him to send Dr. Timoney my picture and see him at my eye appointment next Wednesday.  We are going to let Dr. Timoney decide if he agrees about having my lid line in the right place as it is.  Based on what he says next Wednesday, one of the following scenarios will happen.

Scenario 1:  Timoney agrees with Dr. Patel.  (He may want Patel to operate first, or he may want to operate first himself.  I guess we will find out??)
   Spring Break:  Dr. Patel will do what scar revision procedures he needs to do.
   Summer:  Dr. Timoney will reconstruct my lower eyelid.

**Injections/laser treaments will take place at some point later this year.

Scenario 2:  Timoney doesn't agree and needs lid line to be shifted up.
   Spring Break:  Dr. Patel will do a skin graft.
   Summer:  Dr. Timoney will reconstruct my lower eyelid. 

**Injections/laser treatments will take place at some point later this year.

While I love SNOW DAYS and really like that they are working for me right now in terms of not being home without pay, if we have too many more, they may start working against me this summer!  

So, a little bummed that this whole process has to drag out into summer, but excited for many more reasons!  I am healing well on my own!  I get to start putting my silicone cream on the "graft" area now!  I get to put makeup over the "graft" area now!  I still get to go back to work the beginning of February since both doctors seem to be okay with waiting until Spring Break for the first operation!  I get to go to my "mental health" appointment that I was going to have to cancel because of the surgery that I've had scheduled since December (I cannot wait to talk to an outsider about the accident and all the crazy emotions that came along with it)!  I don't have to be put under again and can continue my "good" streak of mental stability!  I know it's crazy, but last week was seriously my first "normal" week since December 2.  I felt more like Brooke than I had since early that December morning. 

I took a picture today to show you more in detail about all of the things I refer to in my posts.  One thing that you can't see very well from this picture is a small bruise on my cheek which Dr. Patel thinks is either a suture or piece of wood... more than likely wood.  He wants to go ahead and take that out sometime soon in the clinic if we do wait until Spring Break for his procedure. 

 

I hope everyone is enjoying the snow!  It sure is beautiful! :)

Physical and Emotional Changes

I've been wanting to blog for several days now, but am just now finding the time to sit down and gather my thoughts.  In order to show you my progress, both physical and emotional, I'm going to start back at last Friday.

Friday was a busy day.  All of my days run together anymore, but are usually full of doctor visits or running some type of errand.  Friday was no exception.  I remember being extremely exhausted by the end of the day and actually fell asleep before 8 o'clock.  On Saturday, I woke up not feeling very good and still extremely tired so I continued sleeping.... the rest of the day (minus an hour or two)!  I'm not certain that I really needed the sleep or if sleeping just helped keep my mind from wondering to the scary places it takes me sometimes when I'm awake.  Up until about Tuesday of this week, it was normal for me to break down multiple times throughout each day.  Sometimes it would be after looking in the mirror, others from the pain in my face, others from remembering I couldn't see anymore out of my right eye, or others from feeling completely unlike myself and almost as if I were floating by each minute as if I was living in some type of outer-body experience.  I tried explaining my thoughts and emotions to my family, but I guess it's not the easiest thing to explain.  We woke up Sunday with every intention of going to church, but I again felt crummy.  I am still uncomfortable with large crowds and even more uncomfortable when I know I could break down into a sob fest at any moment.  In an attempt to get me out of the house and away from all my negative emotions, we decided to attempt a movie with the kids in Florence where I wouldn't know anyone.  I guess my mentality is that if I'm only going to see these people once, it doesn't matter what I look like to them.  Once we were out, it was actually a nice time and I loved getting to see Frozen.  My kids have the movie pretty much memorized at this point.  It is doing things like this that make me feel normal again.  It's just hard when I'm trapped at home to motivate myself to get up and do normal!

I'm not certain what all Monday entailed, but I do remember waking up Tuesday feeling more like myself.  My mom came to get Grayson, Ella was at school, and I spent several hours by myself and with God.  There was only one point during the day that I cried for a brief minute but quickly turned it around.  I cleaned my house top to bottom and felt a since of pride getting it all finished.  I even laughed at myself a few times when I'd bump into something or drop something.  Again, Wednesday, Thursday, and even today were good days.  There have been no sad times and no crying.  There has been little to no anxiety and I am starting to feel comfortable in my new skin.  I am not scared as much when I look in the mirror, but more or less motivated to continue to see how much my appearance changes in the months to come.  I am still very apprehensive about going out in public or larger groups.  I guess I am getting used to me, but I'm afraid others won't be.  That's the one thing I'm most worried about when returning to work in a few weeks.  I don't want to scare my kids with my scars and crooked eye.  Kermie is trying to help me by putting a removable sticker in my glass lens that I can wear when I'm at school, so we will see how that goes.  He also surprised me with a new pair of Oakley's.  A few years ago, after getting our tax return, we splurged and got new sunglasses.  He still has his, but mine were lost a good three months later.   I never heard the end of it, but sure enough, he found the same pair (for cheap!) and they showed up at my doorstep this week!  I love them because I look just like the old me when I put them on. :) I've contemplated teaching in sunglasses but thought that may be too distracting!

As for physical progress, my doctors continue to say all is well.  My cornea scratch is healing and all of my eye movements are back to normal except right which is what causes my eye to stay to the left.  I am slowly gaining more sensation in my eyeball, but still consider it a numb eye.  My nerves are working hard in my face to regenerate and let me tell you it is the craziest thing I've ever felt.  I can tap my top lip and feel a twitch in my eye!  One day I have a droopy smile and the next it's fine.  My teeth are still super sensitive in the right side as are my scars.  But regardless of the twitching and drooping, I notice improvement everyday!  My eye is staying irritated, but only because it is exposed to air since my eye won't close completely without that lower eyelid.  Until my surgery to reconstruct it, I'm putting "lube" on it to keep it moist.  There is still no sign of vision or light perception, but the funny thing is that I am beginning to get used to it.  Of course I'm praying for complete recovery, but until then... I've got this one eye thing down!  Next week is my skin graft with Dr. Patel.  I am so excited!  He said stitches will come out a week later and then I'm planning to head back to work!  My face will be finished other than scar treatments down the road and all that will be left is my eyelid surgery around spring break.  Yay :). Dr. Timoney told me today that he has pictures of me from the day of my accident if I was ready to see them.  I think I will get them at my next appointment.

On a side note, I think Grayson may have the flu.  I'm treating it as the flu just to be safe and Ella is taking Tamiflu as prevention.  Both of them had the Flu Mist, but the doctors say it didn't cover the strand they have been exposed to.  I had a flu shot while in the hospital, so I'm praying I'm immune.  Kermie on the other hand hasn't had a shot or mist.  Please keep us in your prayers! 

Tonight, I am leaving you with a picture of my "new do for the new me" and my whole face minus the bad eye with makeup for the first time.

High expectations

Several weeks ago, I received an appointment reminder in the mail about a follow-up CT Scan and appointment with the neurologist who was in the OR the day of my surgery.  When I first saw the reminder, I was perplexed because I was under the impression they didn't end up having to operate at all during the operation (which was a good thing).  I immediately called to see what the appointment was for and was told that they would be doing another scan just to make sure that everything still looked good as far as my head/brain went and would be able to give me some more information on my vision.  So.... for several weeks, especially after talking to Dr. Timoney who ordered orbital scans to get a better look at my eye, I had built up very high expectations for this appointment.  Good news or bad news.... I knew that I would come away with something more and was excited about that. 

Well, let me just let you know right away that my expectations and what actually came from the day did not meet.  Kermie and I got there early (with enough time for a white chocolate mocha) and they got me ready for scans.  Immediately, they were confused about the orders and didn't understand why they would be doing a head scan and orbital scan.  So, they ended up cancelling the orbital scan because they would essentially be able to see the same thing from the head scan alone.  Anxiety trigger number one.  Second, I had no idea whether or not I had ever had a contrast scan done before so I was clueless when he said I had had one while in the hospital so to expect the same thing.  I honestly don't remember anything about the whole ER/OR experience except wanting to be put asleep and being frustrated with being so nauseous.  He injected the serum, told me I'd feel a warm sensation, but I felt a cold sensation. Anxiety trigger number two.  Then, about a minute into breathing techniques and praying to God to not allow me to get up from the table, I realized he hadn't started it yet.  I felt the warmth and all was good... or as good as it gets while getting a CT Scan.  I forgot to mention that right before I went in for the scans, I found one of my new Origami Owl necklaces on the floor of the waiting room without the locket.  Apparently, the chain broke which I was able to fix, but the locket with my wedding ring charm and birthstone were no where to be found.  Anxiety trigger number three.  Kermie was a trooper and backtracked our steps all through UK Hospital, but the locket is gone.  Bummer!   I promise I will not complain this entire post!!

After the scans, Kermie and I had about an hour and a half to waste until the appointment with the neurosurgeon so we went to the Starbucks in the hospital and relaxed.  Then, after the first twenty minutes decided to go the cafeteria for breakfast.  This may have been the best part of my day!!  Eggs, biscuits and gravy, and good conversation with my husband.  We've been cracking each other up just as much as we've been driving each other crazy with our emotional highs and lows.  When it was almost time to head to our appointment, my eye starting hurting pretty bad.  It had felt fairly irritated all morning and I thought it might have something to do with being poked while sleeping, but the pain was getting pretty bad.  Anxiety trigger number three.  So, the moment was here... I was going to get to see my scans and find out more about my eye and all the nerves that were involved.  Or at least I thought.  The first doctor to come in was someone who we did not know and basically said that the scans looked great as far as the brain goes and that is as far as they would continue with my treatment.  Kermie and I looked at each other a little confused and the man exited the room after we bombarded him with a million questions.  His response would have been exactly what I would have expected had I not been told otherwise.  This doctor quickly brought in the surgeon who was in the  OR during my surgery to answer all of our questions.  He seemed a little confused as well as why we were told we would be given more information on my vision loss as a CT Scan would not show those cranial nerves/optic nerves in enough detail to make any prognosis.  He also said that when it came to vision, current function is the best indicator as to the damage of those particular nerves.  And, unlike anything we've heard up until this point, said that the more time that passes, the less likely I will be to regain vision... especially functioning vision.  He said that if I had no light perception by this point, I probably wouldn't regain any.  Anxiety trigger number four (even though I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for this).

After this appointment and accompanied with my eye pain, we decided to stop by the eye clinic as Dr. Timoney had said we could stop in at any time to get my looked at or washed out.  I knew something was in there or wrong, but the clinic was slammed as were my emotions.  There was no way I could stay in there another minute without having a complete mental breakdown.  So, I had one in the truck instead.  I hate letting Kermie see me get so down, but it just had to happen.  He was so good at reminding me who made my eyes and who is the only one who can heal them. It honestly feels so good to cry though.  I did a lot of it yesterday, sore eye and all.  I know it makes him upset because he has said over and over that it's not fair that it has to be me that is going through this when he would take my place in a heartbeat, but then that makes me sad that he is sad.  Anxiety trigger number five.

Several hours later, after washing out my eye and getting an authentic "pirate" eye patch to sleep in, we concluded that there had to be a scratch on my eye which was causing the pain.  We called the doctor back and they could get us in by 3:30, but that was impossible because Grayson was having his first therapy session at 4 and I wanted to be there to explain to her everything he has been going through.  Anxiety trigger number six.  I totally thought Ella would be the one struggling after having witnessed the whole accident, but my three year old has shown more symptoms of stress than she has.  He didn't eat for a while, spent hours in the bathroom saying he was sick, threw major tantrums, constantly asks if he is going to be "okay," and is terrified of the bathtub after one episode of too many bubbles.  His stress level and happiness has been weighing heavy on me the past few weeks because I know he is too little to distinguish exactly what it is that he is feeling.  He just constantly wants to be reassured that everything is okay.  I will say that his therapy session went GREAT!  He had been with me to take Ella, so he was excited to have his own turn.  I was amazed at the amount of information she was able to pull from him in just one visit, and I was excited to see him interact with her so well.  We will be going back just to make sure that his stress continues to decreases as the days go by.  Thank the Lord for therapy!  Ella actually said when we were walking in yesterday that she thought she'd like to be a therapist because she likes talking to people about their problems.  She is so sweet :)

So, after about a 12 hour day, we got home and everyone was out by 8!  This morning I had Kermie's parents chauffeur me to the eye doctor (my doctor was not there) to see what all the pain was about.  Just as we suspected, there is a scratch on my eye and he even plucked all of the lashes from my bottom lid that were turned in.  He thought they may be causing some discomfort as well. They have put me on an eye drop antibiotic and eye ointment antibiotic and I go back in the morning just to make sure infection has not set up in my eye.  More than anything, it felt good to know that I'm not loosing my mind!  Everyday is a new day in terms of my physical progress.  Some days I can feel my face and other days I can't.  Some days I feel like I can control my eye movement and other days it feels like it did the day of the accident.  I'm learning to take all of the physical and process it emotionally, but I will be the first to admit that it's so hard!  I get down, I get frustrated.  I get hopeful, I am thankful.  One thing I know for sure is that doing this without faith in knowing there is a God who can do whatever He knows is best for my life would be impossible!  I also know that without family willing to support me, take me everywhere, listen to me, and encourage me I would be lost.  Another positive, I found out today that in just the FIRST day back to school 11 days were donated to my recovery time at home!  It's amazing how great people are! 

Today, I'm leaving you with a "selfie" (I can't believe I'm taking one of these!!! haha).  Everyone that sees me in person is amazed with how far my eye automatically opens on its own, so I thought you might be too!  (My eye is yellow from the drops they put in today and today is a numb day, hince the more than normal crooked smile!)

Dauntless

First of all, I struggled with what to title this post and found it ironic that my two choices came from a book that I just read, Divergent, by Veronica Roth and a book I just started by Christine Caine called Undaunted.  Our good friend Webster defines the word daunt as to frighten or dishearten.  I can honestly say that over the past week, there have been several days that I was daunted.  I was becoming overwhelmed with fears both rational and irrational and even doubted myself and how God was going to use my tragedy for the greater good. 

As I mentioned in a recent post, my church had invited us to come speak during our Celebration Sunday about the accident and how God is actively changing our lives daily through the healing process.  Up until about a week ago, I was so motivated to speak even though I am not by any means a public speaker!!  I was encouraged by people around me and God was stirring up a spirit of hope within me that I couldn't wait to share with others.  On the other hand, there were a few days and one in particular that I actually said, "I can't do it!  I will feel like a liar."  How was I supposed to get up on stage and tell people about how this tragedy was a blessing in disguise when I felt like I could barely function and felt unworthy of sharing because my fears were crippling. 

So, yesterday, was the big day... Celebration Sunday.  I had spent a lot of that night praying for courage and wisdom, but more importantly for what I was going to say to be about Him and not me.  I woke up yesterday morning super early, had some devotional time with my Bible and read a little more of Caine's Undaunted.  After reading about some of the horrific experiences of the girls who were involved in sex trafficking, I immediately felt guilty for the fears that I was allowing to creep into my mind.  Then, at the very end of my time reading another chapter, God spoke directly to me.  I am going to quote some of her ending words in hoping that they may resonate with you like they did me.

"...Reasons that, when we hear God's call, when we feel that gentle (or not so gentle) urging of God's Spirit for us to make a bold step, take a risk, serve others, save a life, commit- we so often hold back.  It's because we don't feel empowered.  We don't feel qualified.  We think we lack the courage, the strength, the wisdom, the money, the experience, the education, the organization, the backing....  Not me, God, I'm afraid.  Weak.  Poor.  Stupid.  Unqualified.  Daunted.... God doesn't call the qualified.  He qualifies the called.... There is no shortage of  ways life tries to daunt us, to render us incapable of following the bold and valiant plan God has for us.  This book is about how to move past that- how to become undaunted." 

 

It was then that I realized that Christine was right.  No matter our story, God calls us to be dauntless and to go after whatever it is He sets you to.  And, for me, yesterday morning, that was to tell my story.   Or, rather, His story because He is the one performing all the miracles and changing lives.  And, that is exactly what Kermie and I set out to do yesterday morning and boy was it amazing.  I have never heard so many encouraging words and stories of trials similar to mine.  And, so that is going to be my motto from this point on, "Dauntless."  Yes, there will be fears and yes, there will be hard days, but God has called me and it is up to me to respond how He needs me to respond. 

 

 

On a side note, after eating lunch yesterday, I drove again.  This time all the way from Jalepeno's on New Circle Road to the McDonald's on Newtown Pike.  Dauntless!  And, did we stop there?  Absolutely not!  We drove to the wreck site for the first time since the accident.  Dauntless!  It feels good to be letting go and moving on all with the help of an amazing God!  Today, I'm leaving you with a picture from our Celebration Sunday Service at church yesterday.

 



Could it all just now be crashing down around me?

Today's post is going to be quite a bit different from the previous posts in the fact that I'm going to share with you my worst day post accident which happened to be yesterday. 

Yesterday, in general, I did not feel like myself.  I woke up alright, but my stomach was already in knots and I just felt blah.  There were things that I wanted to get done around the house (OCD at work again), but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything.  I felt grumpy and even kind of sorry for myself.  Three nights with less than 3 or 4 hours of sleep was beginning to wear on my mind and my body.  I was worried about my three-year old who hasn't been eating well and spending lots of time in the bathroom.  Kermie told me he was just fine, but in my mind I'm thinking he's trying to cope emotionally with everything that has happened in the past month and I was failing him as a mother.  I was already starting to stress out about school starting back and making sure Ella had rides to and from school, her backpack getting packed correctly, transportation notes getting written, lunches getting packed, etc.  I was worried about getting more paperwork sent to Central Office from my insurance company and putting together a video for my students showing them I was ok and thankful for all of their thoughts and prayers.  I wanted to take down all of my Christmas decorations and then obviously clean up the aftermath of pine needles and dust.  Blah, blah, blah..... my mind was going crazy and about irrational and silly things! 

As a person who has dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since fourth grade, I've gotten pretty good at calming myself down using techniques I learned through therapy and prayer of course.  Yesterday, on the other hand, was much harder than anything I've experienced in a long time.  Since December 2nd, I have felt strong mentally and my faith has been my driving focus for recovery.  But, for whatever reason, yesterday I seemed to loose grip with that stronghold and allowed my mind to get the best of me.  By the end of the night, I had began a full-blown panic attack and was terrified of loosing grip with me and who I was called to become from this tragedy.  I wanted an escape and I was beginning to think this was all too much for me to handle.  Again, all selfish thoughts because the real Brooke knows that God would not give me anything I couldn't overcome.  With the help of constant prayer, Kermie, my mom, and some anxiety medicine that I hate relying on, I was able to get myself calmed down enough to remember that everything was going to be okay. 

I feel asleep around 8:00 and stayed asleep for most of the night without waking from severe stomach or back pain.  I woke up this morning thankful (SNOW DAY MIRACLE) and rested in comparison to the day before.  And, I'm reminding myself that this isn't going to be easy and that I may have more days where everything seems to be crashing down around me, but God will get me through this and I will come out stronger. 

So, today I don't have any pictures to leave you with, but something that I tell myself often when I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed... "Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in this world." 

"Dramatic Progress, Mrs. Donovan"

Yesterday was another big day on the road to recovery!  I had another follow-up appointment with my eye doctor, Dr. Timoney.  To be completely honest, I was pumped for this visit because I knew myself that he was going to be impressed with the progress that was made in the two weeks since we had last met. 

On the other hand, the appointment itself started out a little differently than I had expected.  The doctor who walked into the room was a young doctor, definitely not the Irish man I was used to, and looked vaguely familiar.  He proceeded by introducing himself and telling me that we had met before in the hospital under much different circumstances.  And, then... within minutes... it all became clear.  He was the poor doctor who was instructed to come test the vision of my good eye one of those first nights in the hospital.  On the night he came to visit, I was struggling with my good eye because it felt like there was something in it or it was scratched and of course I was having a complete mental breakdown thinking now I was not going to be able to see out of both eyes.  Irrational, I know.  So, this poor doctor from what Kermie tells me, was very patient with me and tried to clean out my eye and then proceeded to hand me the vision chart to check my vision.  All I could see was doubles and I immediately threw the eye chart at him in complete frustration!  So, as I sat there in this follow-up appointment, I felt completely embarrassed and offered as many possible "I'm so sorrys" as I possibly could!  Kermie laughed the whole time!  Heaven forbid I run into the doctor I threw a bed pan at!! 

After a vision check of my good eye and a few quick glances at my bad eye, Dr. Timoney enters the room and I was ready to show off my new found skills!  At our last appointment he talked about the importance of Cranial Nerve 3 and how it would be the nerve responsible for the movement of my eyelid, movement of my eye to the left, up, and down.  So, I have been practicing as much as I can at home to regain those movements.  And, with lots of prayers, God has granted me fantastic progress.  In fact, Dr. Timoney, in his Irish accent, called it, "Dramatic prorgress, Mrs. Donovan."  Yes!  So, where does that leave us now?  There is still very little movement to the right which is controlled by Cranial Nerve 6.  It also explains why my when my eyelid opens my eye is positioned inward.  The nerves that control the muscle movement on one side are pulled while the nerves that control the muscle movement on the other side are not pulling at all.  Kind of like a one-sided game of tug-of-war.  I REALLY want my eye to be positioned center just for mere vanity reasons.... I want my eye to look normal as I've mentioned in my recent posts regardless if vision returns or not.  But, if I had to choose, I'd take a working eyelid and movement in three directions over a centered eye any day!  Dr. Timoney also talked a little bit more about Cranial Nerve 5 which is the sensory nerve.  It is the one responsible for the feeling sensation in the eye.  I still have a lack of sensation, but it is slowly improving.  When he put the piece of tissue on my eye today I felt pressure, but there was still not automatic response to close the eyelid or remove the object.  This is another reason why he is happy we chose to get the glasses!  The last Cranial Nerve he mentioned was number 2 which deals more with vision and the work of the pupil.  This is the one I am least concerned about at the moment since I still see no light at all.  He mentioned how this nerve and my optic nerve work together to allow us to see the pictures we see. 

I am scheduled for another CT Scan on January 8th in which they will do a full face scan as well as a more detailed scan of those nerves which play a role in my vision.  I will meet with the neurosurgeon who was in the OR during the time of my surgeries immediately after and then will follow up with Dr. Timoney again to discuss even more what the scans show in terms of damage to those nerves. 

My skin graft is still scheduled to happen on January 22nd where Dr. Patel will use skin from either my collar bone area or behind my ear to fill in the wound Kermie has been packing for the past month.  Dr. Timoney said recovery should be quick but that he wants scar tissue and complete healing to take place before reconstructing my lower eyelid.  Being the planner I am, I asked him if he thought I could return to work in between surgeries and maybe plan for the eyelid reconstruction over Spring Break and he was perfectly fine with that.  Yay!  So, it's looking like as long as there aren't many complications from the graft and my mental healing is still moving forward, Mrs. Donovan will be back in the classroom maybe February or March!

After leaving what I thought was an excellent appointment, Kermie and I spent another day together doing random odds and ends.  Lunch, sitting in a few cars to get an idea of what is going to be best for me when I'm ready to make a purchase, Starbucks (of course), a trip to Target, and to return my wedding ring to the mall to correct where it had been bent from the wreck.  Pretty great day if I do say so myself! 

While I know this post is getting a little long winded, I have a few more things I'd like to share.  First, whether from meds or whatever, I have been waking up every night with severe stomach/back pain and not able to return to sleep for hours.  So, I'd appreciate prayers for God to heal all the craziness happening with my digestive system!  Second, Kermie and I have been invited to speak at church this Sunday at both the 9:30 and 11:00 services at Grace Christian about the accident and how God is prompting us to use this experience to better serve Him and better our lives.  All are welcome to come listen, but please keep in mind that adults are not my usual audience! :)  I can speak in front of kiddos all day... adults on the other hand are a tad intimidating!  Yet again, more learning experiences!!

I'm leaving you with another picture taken late last night of my eyelid open.  Kind of gross, but it shows how miraculous God is and how thankful I am!