Milestone

Yesterday was a big day for Ella as she accomplished something she has been working very hard to do.  Many of you already know that Ella suffered a great deal this past school year with anxiety.  Ever since she was little girl I had a feeling she would be the "anxious"s type.  She has always been a deep thinker, worried about things outside of her control, and picked constantly (her nails, her lips, etc.).  As a mom who has dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since fourth grade, I prayed that the things I was noticing were just mere coincidences, but after this past school year I know this is not the case.

Ella started the school year off fantastic, but it was short lived.  One day while leaving the cafeteria and going out to the track, Ella witnessed a little boy throw up and has not been the same since.  At that point in time, Ella totally shut down.  The once chipper, excited to go to school, I love school, little girl, now dreaded getting up in the morning.  She would cry and beg me not to make her go.  She stopped eating and was a constant emotional mess.  This of course about did me in as well.  I loved being at school with Ella, but it was SO hard to take her to her classroom and leave with her crying.  Eventually, we decided that extended day kindergarten was going to be too much for her.  She associated the afternoon part of her day with her anxiety (Emetophobia - the fear of throwing up) since the incident occurred after morning kindergarten when leaving the cafeteria.  Looking back, I think this was a good move.  I know that avoidance behaviors are not good in this type of situation, but barely being five years old, in a new school, and experiencing a very long day helped me to justify this move.  Thank goodness we did it, because in about two weeks time, she was learning to cope and see that school was great again. 

Throughout the school year, however, I did receive several phone calls from Ella's teacher saying that someone had thrown up and Ella was panicking.  Thankful to work in a building where people will cover for you in any situation, I would walk down to her class and try to calm her.  This fear though did not happen strictly at school.  Ella began panicking any time someone would cough or get choked because she thought they were going to throw up.  One of the worst times was when we were at Cracker Barrel and her cousin started coughing.  Ella started screaming and crying and quickly jumped underneath the table. Another example of Ella's fear is when we were on our way home from Florida and her brother threw up in the car.  Ella honestly did pretty well considering we were still three hours from home and Grayson had been sitting right beside her, but now she is terrified to go to the beach in July because she associates the car ride with throwing up.  It was after these two episodes that I realized my talking and coaching wasn't going to work.

I had several conversations with Ella about how some people go to a doctor that they just get to talk to.  I told her about my experiences with a therapist and how they taught me ways to manage my anxiety and to calm myself down when I get panicked.  Ella was very open to the idea and constantly asked, "Will my doctor make me not afraid of puke?"  I've tried to be honest with her and tell her that sometimes these fears never really leave, but that we just have to learn how to deal with them.  All the while, she and I are both praying that God heals her mind and rids her of anxiety.

So, at the start of summer, Ella had her first appoint with Mrs. Connie at Beaumont Behavior Health.  Ella absolutely adores Connie and their time together.  Mrs. Connie quickly diagnosed Ella with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) during our first visit.  Each time Ella goes, they do a story together from a program called The Worry Wars.  This program walks children through a situation where a child is faced with a fear and resulting anxiety.  It also shows the kids how each character was able to fight the anxiety and win the war.  The second half of Ella's therapy is done in the Play Therapy Room.  This may be Ella's favorite part!  She gets to play and apply what she learned in the story in her play. 

You're probably wondering how all this relates to her big day yesterday.  Well, Ella had spent the day with her Nana doing whatever her heart desired.  They had a sleepover, went to the movies, and even went to a cookout!  Unfortunately, I got a phone call yesterday evening from my mom saying that Kayne (my nephew) had thrown up and Ella was panicking.  By the time I got her on the phone, she was pretty hysterical.  However, we talked through some of the strategies she had been learning in therapy and between that and my mom (who has also suffered with anxiety---this disorder has a long history in this family! BOO), Ella was able to stay at the cookout instead of coming home.  She jumped on the trampoline and had so much fun!!  She even wanted to stay another night at my mom and dad's which is huge.  I could tell how proud she was of herself, but I know that I am probably a million times more proud!